There is nothing wrong with long-term monogamy, and for some people that makes sense, or makes them happy, but the fact is that we have a lot of people out there trying to find the one, the one and only, the best one, whether they are poly or monogamous, but trying to find a relationship that will last forever, and blaming themselves if they end up having a series of relationships. As a modern urban person, one can expect to have several primary partnerships in a lifetime. As we free relationships from economic necessity, I think it is natural for some people to be monogamous, but I don’t think it’s particularly natural for all of us humans to want to pair bond forever. If we look at our relationships in a more positive way, we can look at these relationships that last three, or five, or eight years, and see them as what they’re valuable for.

I’m very excited about what is possible, that we can make family in a different way.

AK: Speaking of changing things, are there any big differences, or similarities, that you notice when you compare the open community today versus the open community when you became involved in it?

DE: Oh, I laugh. Back in 1971, my daughter was two years old, and I had been non-monogamous since 1969. It was a decision I made three months after my daughter was born, and I found myself a single mother due to circumstances I had not planned, and it was the communal era, there was a lot of living communally and raising children communally. The biggest extended family I joined was in the Bay Area here, and it was a house in The Society for Creative Anachronism. I mean, this is only one particular group of people who have established themselves as poly a long time ago, and their institutions continue to be very polyamorous, so it’s one place people can go and find peers who are interested in doing this stuff.