September 25, 2012
I got this invitation from Barry last night. My response was—well—possibly I shouldn't have been writing at that time of night. After I go through a bottle of chuck and make progress on a six-pack of Simpler Times, I probably shouldn't be writing to anybody.
I haven't received any follow-up from Barry and I'm worried he's taken what I said a little too seriously. Have you seen him this morning? I know he's busy (god knows you are as well) but if you do bump into him could you just make sure he's doing OK, and if he has time maybe he could shoot me back an email?
Don't say I'm apologizing, I'm not, it's just, I may have said things a little differently than I meant to. I've been feeling foolish this entire week and his email just brought that up. Do you know how it feels when everyone you have to correct people after they assume the child you are babysitting is yours?
"He got your hair."
"Oh no, I'm just the babysitter."
It makes me feel dirty. As if it's my fault they made the mistake. Like I have been trying to pass this child off as my own, and now admit I am nothing BUT the babysitter. What if I just let them assume?
"He has beautiful curly hair like you."
"Yeah, he does."
I'm not lying by affirming their statement, am I? But am I being misleading? It sometimes feels like too much work...too much shame to interject a correction to a question they didn't specifically ask.
Anyways, Barry caught me at a particularly sensitive moment. I miss you guys and have him call me if you can...we just need to talk some stuff through. I hope the dinner goes well. Again, I don't think I'll be able to make it. I'm just not feeling ready yet.