But sometimes a woman cannot bother to be ravaged for hours, which is not to say she can’t spare a few minutes but the women you shack up with learn to avoid trying to sneak a quickie because you take so goddamn long to come.  On purpose!  I can see you trying to hold it in, you bastard, and now I missed work!  You do delay gratification (you bastard). 

Conveyorized-tunnel washes are often only one part of a larger carwash enterprise with attendants and cashiers for stores filled with infinite garish air fresheners and high school boys giddy at the end of the tunnel, snapping each other with towels. There will be cars on the conveyor in front of you and behind you.  The windows of your Buick Regal are giant and crystal clear like an underwater aquarium exhibit but your bare ass is not a fish.   

And the violence of a conveyorized wash.  Many conveyors are so clunky, the ride so jerky, that the mechanics of sex may be complicated.  Sex in less than two minutes requires getting all the right parts in all the right places very quickly and the epic helm of your Buick is always looming, threatening to ensnare wayward arms and legs.  Any inaccurate thrust as the result of a lurch in the conveyor might be the difference between finishing before the Rain-X coat (where you are more or less home free) or fucking into the blow dry where your junk will be on display for customers and employees and passersby.  And what if your dick breaks (off)?

Regrettably eliminate all conveyorized-tunnel carwashes as viable arenas for sex.

The inbay-rollover automatic carwash keeps your vehicle motionless while a big robot arm or arch performs the wash service, expertly circling your vehicle time and again.  These washes are not in a tunnel but in a small garage (inbay) and all the rinses and foams and waxes and brushes are built into a single machine: the big robot arm or arch that is ever more sleek than the loud and clunky and excessive parts of the conveyorized-tunnel wash.  And the inbay-rollover wash lasts much longer than the conveyor wash because the robot must travel around your vehicle again and again as it cycles through each feature.  Some rollover washes will last up to seven minutes, including dryer time (still a quickie, but not impossibly so).