Pressure

The hard science: force of pressure in the dick during the peak of ejaculation maxes out at just over 7000 mmHg in dogs and goats.  This unit of measurement, mmHG (millimeters of mercury), is the one used to measure pressure in human blood.  Imagine the average systolic spurt of your blood (120 mmHg) like a dud when fired alongside the midjizz dick of a goat.  The high-pressure jets of a carwash fire at around 1200 psi (or 62,056 mmHg).  You can find no scientific studies about the pressure of a human dick during ejaculation (though jizz has clocked in at 28 mph, a speeding violation on Edgewood Road) but assuming a human male can, on his best day, blow a wad with at least the strength of a dog or a goat, the carwash still employs nine times more pressure than your spitting dick.

The Boneyard

She grips her sponge with two hands and squeezes.  Grey water spills to the dirt at your feet.  Her wringing is a kind of magic, wresting the filthy fluid from almost nothing, simple twisting, froth blistering on the ground until South Dakota’s summer heat evaporates all but the bits of dead bugs and the cloudy iridescent grime of used soap.  You gotta get your hog washed she says.

For five days you’ve used your breaks from a summer gig working backstage at The Boneyard to loiter around the bike washes in Sturgis.  The annual motorcycle rally is in full swing and there are lines of roadhardened bikers at every wash station, their faces worn to leather and bodies covered in black leather, riding Harleys and Big Dogs and Whizzers and Triumphs all caked in hundreds of miles of tar and bug apocalypse and whatever bodily fluids drip and boil and crust on their hellfire custom exhausts.  20 bucks gets a biker ten minutes of two bikini babes scrubbing on his ride and one minute of one bikini babe standing on the seat of the bike, bending over and rubbing soap on her ass and giggling while the biker shoves his filthy face deep between her sudsy cheeks.  There are a million people here and a half million things to do and see but you keep returning to The Bike and Beard Wash because you are appalled because you are aroused because you are appalled and aroused again.